Friday, September 30, 2011

Psalm 23:6, And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.
NKJV
This morning when I first looked at Psalm 23:6 I had actually thought about Janessa's IBS from yesterday, for which she felt her application should be to create a list of all the blessings God has given in her life to remember. I couldn't really think of anything else, and although it may seem like copying, I thought perhaps that is what my application would be as well, to remember the goodness and mercy that has followed me throughout my life.

However, in class today Pastor G spoke about 1 Corinthians 13, what love does; that love trusts when one has expectations of a person and those expectations are not met; and Mathew 18, for when expectations are continually not met and you become unable to keep trusting.

If the Lord promises that goodness and mercy will follow me all of my life, then goodness and mercy should be flowing from me as well; and if I dwell in the house of the Lord, then I should trust and follow His instructions.

There is someone back home who has done, and, unless something has changed in the past three months while I have been gone, continues to do, things that harm my relationship with them, cause serious harm to people who are important to the both of us, and draws them, and all of us, away from God.

This has been going on for some time and I did not know how to deal with it, eventually withdrawing from them as the only means I saw of protecting myself and relieving some of their stress that had been building at the time.

I need to first speak with Pastor G more on the general topic and ask His council on how to address this specific issue because of the complexities and complications involved with it; and then pray and fast a great deal asking for God's guidance; and then when I arrive home, as soon as I am able and the situation allows for it, confront this person, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me feel, both to apologize to them and others for my withdrawal and to, for lack of a better way to say it, "Mathew 18 'em", trusting God to heal our relationship and draw us both closer to Him.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Psalm 23:5, You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
NKJV
He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies; if the Lord has the confidence to let me sit down and eat, surrounded by those wishing me harm, then how much more peace should I have in the presence of my God as we prepare to leave, even if it is for another country to do things that I have never done, with preparations to complete that I might not even be aware of?

I can't know what will happen; or how things will happen; or what won't happen that, at least in my eyes, probably should have, but I will trust in God that He will do a good work, both in others and myself, and that He wants me in El Salvador as a part of that work. I don't know what is coming, but I will have peace and pray for God's blessing on all of us and the people of El Salvador, Costa Rica and Uganda as we prepare to go, and will make sure to give thanks and prayer whenever the devil begins planting seeds of worry or doubt within my heart, and trust in God's strength to keep such weeds from growing and choking out His good plants and the fruit He would have me bare.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Psalm 23:4, I will fear no evil; for you are with me;

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
NKJV
Despite the dangers that surround us and what evils may draw near to us, God is with us. God is bigger than any problem and stronger than any other thing residing in Heaven or on Earth, of spirit or of flesh, heavenly or demonic or any creature made.

Like David, the writer of this Psalm, being with God means that there is no need for us to fear. We are not promised a life without trial or difficulty, Paul in his later years and David in his early to middle years are certainly proof of this, and if we love Christ the enemy certainly has no love for us. Jesus said as much! (John 15:18-21)

But we need not be afraid because He has His plans in mind and motion. Even if we know where He is sending us, sometimes the fastest way there isn't the straight line we see. God uses hardships and trials and every twist and turn both good and bad in our life if we are seeking after Him to prepare us for His goals, and to accomplish what He intends along the way.

No matter how hard or painful the things of this life, we must simply keep trusting in God. Even if we can't see how any good comes of it, if we keep trusting and seeking, and it may be years and years down the road before we see it, there will be a glory that comes to His name. Besides that, even if we never see the fruit, reward or blessing of our struggles, our reward is not on Earth but in Heaven. (Luke 6:20-23)

We can take comfort both from God's rod and His staff, and notably the rod is not secondary to the staff. They are equal comforts for us. The rod and staff were tools of the shepherd; the rod had a two fold purpose of being used to discipline the sheep and as a weapon against wild animals, both to fight them and to frighten them off before they come near by throwing it to surprise and stun them, the staff was a tool to guide the sheep and hook them to pull them back into the fold when they were going astray.

Like David we can, and should, take comfort in God's defense and protection, His discipline, and His guiding, both gentle and firm.

I want to thank God for every blessing and trial, every little thing in my life He uses and has used to guide me and discipline me and grow me into the person He wants me to be, no matter how hard, and even as I continue to grow. I am fleshly, I have no doubt that there will be many times where in the moment I struggle, but I pray for His help in seeking Him and always being aware of God and Christ and the Spirit filling me.

Now to Him who is able to keep me from stumbling,
And to present me faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Psalm 23:3, He restores my soul. . . for His name's sake.

He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
NKJV
In the past I had a lot of trouble. I suffered from a major depression and walked through life like the living dead. I wanted to do good, and I know people saw me as always trying to do the right thing, but I was no testament to Jesus even if I wanted to be. We are called to be lights to the world, but I was more darkness than light, and you could barely call me anything at all. I professed Christianity if it came up, but I was a poor example of a 'renewed life'. I lacked joy and I lacked a life even though Christians should be more joyful and alive than anyone else.

I loved people, everyone, but often I would also hate them. They easily got on my nerves, and every little problem they had blasted at me like a fog horn, every little flaw glaring like the neon signs in Vegas. I cared about people, but I looked at many of them and could only think that they were the most aggravating things in the world. I hated myself even more because I didn't cover up my own flaws by looking at others, the two just brought each other into sharp relief. I hated hating people, and I hated hating myself, and this only made me hate me more.

My depression and loneliness became almost a comfort; I didn't know how to exist as 'myself' without them, I didn't know who I was without them. They were who I was, and I was too insecure, lacking the strength to try and conquer them or any of my other bad habits. I began wanting God to just 'fix me',

I knew what was right, what was good, not just in behavior but for how I should think, how Christ would think, and I couldn't do it. I was an insomniac, often laying awake for 2 hours, 3 hours, 4 hours, sometimes even 5 hours before finally waking up exhausted and unwilling to face the new dreary day, unaware of when I actually, finally, fell unconscious. I dreamed big, and I lacked the strength to even attempt making them a reality; on the rare occasions I did, it was usually a weak attempt doomed to failure, on other times I simply didn't know enough to make it work or faced what I am now sure were the attacks of the enemy. I did things which even at the time I despised myself for, knowing they were wrong but lacking the strength or will power to stop.

Whenever I started to get better and had felt a little hope, there was something that would pull me back down.

Depending on the night I could either be praying to God for sleep, crying out to Him that I could just be happy, or just screaming within my mind as tears ran down my face at the very thought of spending another several hours alone in the dark, only to open my eyes in the morning, unready to face another empty day, and eventually come to the next night and repeat the process again and again and again until God finally called me to heaven.

But I'm better now. There was no burst of glorious light that miraculously made me happy, though my current countenance is a miracle none the less. I decided to act on what I had already known for some time; God loves me, but He wouldn't fix my life if I wasn't willing to work towards being fixed, and I couldn't be fixed if I obsessed about how 'un-fixable' I thought I was and about every worry and trouble and stress that came my way.

Miraculously, I stopped worrying; there was still some exercise in self control I had to practice, as negative thinking and stressing were engraved in me from years of less positive practice, but I had a complete change in character that bringing about would have been impossible without God.

I was far from perfect, I still had a lot of problems and I still sinned, but I knew, not just with my brain but also with my heart, that I wouldn't be perfect so long as I was in the flesh, but I got a 'reset'. As I had thought and feared, I didn't know how to not be depressed, but I was ok with that.

I like learning, and even if it was clumsy, I spent some time learning to be alive. I didn't do anything crazy or break my principles. The only thing I did which was mildly bad was stop worrying about my English class, and that I had to do because it was something of the lynch pin of my problems, the most irrational, the most tangible and the most easily dealt with. I failed the class that year and payed for it later, but it wasn't a surprise. It wasn't something I fought against and was crushed by. My grade couldn't get me down because I wasn't failing anything, I just wasn't doing it. Nothing anybody said about my grades could get me down about it because I knew that I wasn't making a 'good' choice, but it was the best choice I knew to make.

I was severely broken, and rather than better I only seemed to be getting worse. A single grade for a single class, graduating requirement or not, was not worth the potential of the rest of my life. I began working at the things I knew I could work at, waking up in the morning; having a better countenance; drinking water; and being alive and interacting with life, even when I wasn't in the mood.

When my summer before my senior year was ending I joined the tennis team so that I would spend some time in the sun and get some exercise. I was one of, if not THE, worst players on the team, and I had the time of my life. I was bad, but I improved, and even if my improvement still left me behind everyone else, I closed that gap the tiniest bit. I don't know if you could say I was satisfied exactly, but I was content with not being great, or even just good. I just played to play and enjoyed it.

I got better at waking up for school; and although I still didn't always want to go to school, it was usually the much more normal not wanting to go that every other teenager in America faces at least once in their lives.

I began making an effort where I felt able without suffering some sort of stress induced breakdown. I began making an effort even when I thought it might be too stressful; sometimes I pleasantly surprised myself by, maybe having some trouble, but still accomplishing what I wanted to accomplish, and if I couldn't handle it yet, I backed off.

I put in more of a real (and mentally healthy) effort, and while I'll be the first to admit that it wasn't always quite as much of an effort as I probably should have made, it was a better effort nonetheless, and I managed to graduate. Barely, but I did.

My dad convinced me to go to the high school summer camp since it would be my last chance to go to one, and he can't begin to know how thankful I am. In the past I hadn't enjoyed myself at church camps and such and just stopped going. Now however I was able to handle people, to enjoy their company and not sit in the corner quivering in fear. I was reminded of God in my process of change, and that even if it wasn't how I had wanted it in when I was younger, God did have His hand in my life producing this change, and that He has a plan for me, even if I couldn't see it or at times even believe it, and that He could use my hardships and troubles in beautiful ways that I couldn't even imagine.

I began being more involved in church and with church people, and it was wonderful.

I went to college and started out by testing the waters, then filled my class load with everything I could manage. More than I could manage it turns out, I had to drop one of my classes eventually, but I enjoyed being busy and having my day filled up with people and work and learning things that I really wanted to learn and the feeling of independence that comes with spending your entire day at college and going everywhere by walking or taking a city bus! Most of the time anyway. ;)

I started reading the Bible on my own. I didn't know what to read, I didn't know how to really dig deep and study, and I didn't know when I would always have the time, but I took it with me and pretty much gave up reading novels on the bus in favor of 'the good book', and during a lot of my free time besides. I started out popcorn style. “God, I don't know what to read today, so I'm going to open to a random page and if you have anything in particular you'd like me to read please go ahead and get me there.”

Later I changed to reading through the book of Daniel, and from their another book, and another book after that.

To come back to the verse for today, Psalm 23:3 is:
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
I was crushed, and broken, and believed in God but had no joy in Christ. I did nothing more than cling to His existence as a reason to continue step after dreary step through a miserable self pitying life.

But I'm here now. I'm at Potter's Field Ranch. I'm finishing up three months of training; about to visit home for a week before shipping out; and so close to leaving for six months to El Salvador, on a mission trip, to help at an orphanage, with friends that are closer than I ever thought it was possible fore me to have, that I can hardly believe it.

I mean, give God thanks! I believed I was a few months away from physical testing and, if I passed, a contract with the Air Force, and was invited to come to an information meeting for a program called Ignite that involved training and a mission trip! I had already resolved myself to join the Air Force, my parent's were thinking I was joining the Air Force, I had just over a thousand dollars saved up and no way to pay for the costs of a mission trip, and I STILL couldn't resist going to see what the program was about and think wistfully about going on a mission trip before getting sucked into the busy busy 'life of an adult', with the added bonus of basic training and at least a six year contract with the military doing whatever the military has me do, hopefully enjoying it.

I have not only been forgiven, I know I am forgiven and feel forgiven and am able to forgive myself and others.

I am not a finished work, but I am a work that is improving and a work that will be exactly what God wants me to be, when He wants me to be it.

I went from heading alone into a secular world where I would be largely isolated and forced to struggle through the growing of my faith alone (at least in the physical sense), to four months of separation from the world and a time alone with God and my brothers and sisters in Christ, six months in another country working in thanks and faith for God and two months besides interning with my church.

I went from no future to a future that, while I still don't know what I'll be doing, I know will be for God and led by Him. I might be in full time ministry and working at the church or travel to another country as a missionary; I might start a company and witness through honest and Christ like dealings, I might draw Christian comics or animations or I might work as a waiter and live a very humble life ministering wherever God leads.

God has changed me. He has restored my soul and continues to restore me still, day by day when I am down and over all my life to bring me closer to Him.

He leads me to righteousness and a truer life of faith, that I might be a glory to His name.

I was a shame. I whispered His name in fear and was heard, but my light could not be seen. So dim, those that could see it would more likely mock for it's lack of strength rather than desire such a light themselves; but He has brought me close and lit a fire on my soul, pouring His holy oil over me continually that I might burn forever. He has called me to call His name, He has made me a witness to the people in darkness.

Christ has redeemed me for the glory of His name.

Now to Him who is able to keep me from stumbling,
And to present me faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Psalm 23:1-2, He leads me

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
NKJV
The Lord is my shepherd, for this I shall not want. God is my shepherd, the one who guides me and cares for me, who knows the correct path. I who am prone to wandering am brought to the green pastures and made to lie down. He prevents me from straying to the dangers of the mountain where the lions seek to devour me, to the forest where the bears would eat me. He leads me beside the still waters as we go, that I may easily drink, much safer still than the racing rivers where I may be swept away. Wolfs may come but He will protect me. My wounds, He will bind. The travels may at times seem hard, the distance long and fraught with pain, but my shepherd leads me, leads me still, and at journeys end green pastures I will find.

I do not wish to wander, I do not wish to stray.
My Lord is my shepherd, my master,
and with Him I always wish to stay.

I pray for His leading, and my willing following. He knows the perfect path to lead.

"Guide me as I spend time at home, please guide me when I have gone away."

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Isaiah 55:10-11

"For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. NKJV
God pours out His Spirit on us, and fills us with His word.

"None comes to the Son except through the father who calls him."

". . .it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."

He sends us out as carriers of His word and messengers of the Spirit.

If we are following faithfully and do that which we are sent to, than God's will will be done. His will be done regardless, but if our work is of the Lord then it will accomplish exactly what He intends it to. 'Our' works, if they are truly God's, will prosper in the thing for which He sent it.

This means that, whether we are talking about witnessing to a single individual, heading a church or starting the biggest Christian movement this world has ever seen, big or small, great or simple, God's word through us will not return void, and will prosper in the way that He wills.

There may be hard times, we may not always feel we are accomplishing nearly as much as WE want to, but if it is truly God's will than regardless of the difficulties or at times seemingly lack of 'success' for the work (however one may wish to define it), it will be accomplishing exactly what God intends it to accomplish.

"Prosper" does not mean that He guarantees the Bible study He called us to start will grow into a mega church. It may, but it may not. God's will for what He calls us to may very well be that it starts from humble beginnings and remains a humble testament.

I want to keep seeking after His will for my life. To simply seek after Him and fill my heart with worship; content, needing only Him, with whatever purpose He may have for my life.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Isaiah 55:9

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. NKJV
"Lord grant me your wisdom in action and thought. Let me bring glory to Your name."

As we prepare to leave I am reminded that God's thoughts and plans are far above our own. Greater in breadth and greater in depth than anything I could ever manage, I need to pray for His continual guidance on my actions and thoughts so that I can respond to the world with a God given wisdom that would bring Him glory. For wisdom and discernment in my preparation to go to El Salvador, with the people to whom I'll be saying 'See you later' and 'Good bye', with the people who I will soon meet and with the use and raising of finances.

I want to be wise in my actions as a vessel for God's glory.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Isaiah 55:8

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. NKJV
I keep thinking about what I'll do. What I might do. What I can do. What I might be called to.

What God wants to use me for, how I'll get there, how God will get me there, what will happen between then and now, where He'll take me and when He'll take me there, the lessons I'll learn and trials I'll face and how they'll grow me to be more like God and the individual He wants me to be.

I want to do what God wants of me and I want what He wants to be amazing.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. . ." Mathew 6:33

I try, but it's hard and sometimes I forget, and this is a reminder. His thoughts are not mine, and my ways are not His.

If I'm seeking after the future then I am not seeking after Him, even if the future I'm seeking is a future in Him, living for Him.

Instead of thinking about what may be, I should be making my way closer to Him. He already knows what is in store for me and what He wants of me, and what ever that is, He can lead me and make the way.

The only thing He is calling me to is to seek after His kingdom and righteousness. Aside from that, God can work out the rest.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Isaiah 55:7

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. NKJV
"Let him return to the Lord. . . and to our God"

As we near the end of our time at the ranch I am reminded to not become so caught up in preparations of leaving, questions of what will be done upon returning home, and a bubbling curiosity, anticipation, fear and excitement as we come ever closer to our six months in El Salvador that I forget my God and place Him on the back shelf in all the rush.

I need to be careful that I don't become so focused on the leaving that I forget the here and now, or so intent on being 'ready' that I forget God is the only one who can make me truly anything even close to ready.

I'll be careful to not forsake my time in the Word for time to get ready; careful to not take action and forget prayer or allow myself to be so hurried that it feels as though their is no time for prayer (which is really when I will need prayer most of all anyway).

I'm not going to forget that this really is God's trip, and He's just letting me come along for the ride.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Isaiah 55:6

Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. NKJV
In hard times we call upon the Lord. In our destress we cry out to Him for strength and saving grace. When He seems far to us and our souls are troubled we pray and seek after Him.

But is that the only time we pray and seek?

We should take our joyful and untroubled times to seek after Him and enjoy His presence to the fullest. Just because times are good does not mean that we should stop praying for His provision.

It's really easy to, when everything seems to be going well, 'let God take a break'.

"It's so easy, I shouldn't be asking God for help with that. He has much more important things to do!"

"This will be easy enough. No worries God, I have this covered."

". . . huh? Oh, I hadn't even thought about praying for this. I guess it couldn't hurt. . . but let's make it fast, ok?"

But why wait for disaster or the onset of insecurities to bring us running back to God? The Christian life is not promised an easy life, and those who walk with God are often the target of the enemy.

I want to learn the discipline to pray for protection and provision, even in the little things, and His continued presence, not only when I am having a bad day, week, month or year or a friend or neighbor is facing troubles, but also when everything seems perfectly fine and my joy in Christ is profound and deeper than deep.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Luke 17:10

"So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, 'We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.'" NKJV
In other words, when following God's will we should be 'saying', at least to ourselves, "I am not worthy of thanks. I am doing only what I am meant to do."

I know that there is no "out-blessing God", but this verse makes me wonder just 'how much' I am doing in my daily life and walk with God.

Now, the verse is not saying that if we do only the bare minimum we are unworthy of thanks; the point is that we are only servants of God and therefore it is our duty to do what He asks of us and calls us to. However, am I doing all that is my duty?

Obviously not since I am not perfect, in the flesh I sin and must repent for disobeying and continually seek after being more like Him, but aside from the things I should not do, are there any things I should do that I do not? Do I really fulfill every role of my duty to the best of my ability?

Even if I can't 'out-bless' God, I want to do everything I can for God, not that I can really do anything for God aside from being a willing tool, but at least that much, as best I can, in all I can, in thanks and gratitude for all that He has done for me.

I am going to pray about what greater services God may want of me that I am blind to in the flesh, and that He would reveal more opportunities to be used by Him, in big ways and small.

With that, I have been drawing on invite cards for an evangelical outreach called Skull Church* over the past week to make them more personal, and had resolved to work on one every day, but have fallen out of it already. It doesn't take more than a few minutes to work on one, so finding a few minutes during a break isn't very hard, but being busy I began considering it too much of a bother. I'll make a point of working on them again, and pray that God would like to use them in some way.

*Not something weird. Skull Church is referring to Golgotha, the hill of Christ's crucifixion. It is focused primarily on drawing in teens and young adults to the church and ends with a guest band and concert, but begins with worship and moves into a gospel message told straight and without unnecessary theatrics. (website at skullchurch.com)

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Luke 17:9

"Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. NKJV
At work we are paid to do our job. As part of our job, if the manager tells us to go clean the toilets, chances are we'll clean the toilets or not get paid. When we have cleaned the toilets, chances are the manager isn't going to shower us with praise for doing exactly what we are payed to do.

If the manger does? Great! But if we were to expect it, if we were to take some great offense or make an issue of it when the manager does not thank us, chances are we would be out of a job.

At our job we are paid for services rendered.

A bond servant is not payed. They are to be cared for, but the master is sole owner of the servant's entire life. There is no gratitude which must be given for that which is nothing more than duty.

Should God thank us for following the commandments given? Is there any way by which we simple men could go "above and beyond the call of duty"?

He blesses us more than we can ever know, and more than we could ever deserve.

We are to obey His callings and commands, and although it might be hard we should take joy in working for Him.

I want to thank God when I complete a task and there is no glory or praise in it, when I would have prefer not to do it.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Luke 17:8

"But will he not rather say to him, 'Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink'? NKJV
"It is more blessed to give than to receive."

Before my own comforts, I should seek to fulfill the comforts of those who are still wanting. Like a servant who prepares his masters meal and waits for the master to finish before eating his own, so too I want to devote myself to service. Less than as a moment by moment choice, but rather as an obligation and duty that comes with my choice to hold others above myself, and by the commands of God, of who I truly wish to be a bondservant.

The servant enters in from the fields and sheep, tired and hungry, but does not put a close to the day. He goes to the kitchens and prepares a meal for his master who provides; and looks on, tired, but happy, as his master finds rest and comfort from the day's work. The servant looks on, and while he can't make up for all that the master has done, he can give what service he is able in thanks. In gladness he gathers up the remnants of the meal and prepares his own. He eats his smaller meal thankful for what he has been given, and cleans the the pots and pans; plates and knives and forks; the serving bowls and tongs, cleaning up all the messes and preparing for the new day. After all of this the servant goes to wait nearby should the master need anything more, and waits for him to sleep before crawling, exhausted, into bed, wanting nothing more than to do what little he can to honor the man who has taken him in and made him a part of his household.

(In older times, a bondservant was one who willingly became the slave of one who was a good master during the servant's years of paid service, and enjoyed the life he led working under the master and being provided for.)

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Luke 17:7

"And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending the sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, 'Come at once and sit down to eat'? NKJV
I do not want to allow thoughts of having 'done enough' to enter my mind or expectations of rest or even rewards whenever I please because of how much I have done, regardless of how much there is left to do. Who would expect the master to do the servants duty? Doesn't our Master already give us great blessings and hasn't He already given us a "payment"?

As we enter into the Cultural module and our work load increases, I want to pray for the ability to continue working and maintain focus as thoughts of taking a break begin to enter my mind and I can't afford it until after the work is fully done; a joyful heart and focused mind as the time drags on so that I would not feel discouraged; and a timeliness in the completion of work so that after "working the fields" and "cooking my master's meal" I might still have the time to 'eat something' myself.

In everything I do I should be honoring Christ; He is my master and I am His servant. Whether literally working in a field and cooking a meal or reading what I've been assigned and doing the homework, a servants job is not to do a portion of the work and relax when they feel enough has been done; a servant is to do all of their work and all that is commanded by their master, and THEN they are allowed to have their meal or allowed to hang out and relax with fellowship.

Besides, His yoke is light and the work I am called to here truly little, especially when compared to the work He has done and the price paid in so doing. Nothing I do can match up with THE blessing Christ gave me in forgiveness, or the multitude He provides throughout my life.

I should not expect rewards for doing that which I am called to. There is no way I can expect any reward at all. For the things He has done for us, and beyond that, for His sovereignty as God and master, no matter and whatever I am called to there is no payment I deserve; the works I am called to can be called nothing more than reasonable acts of service.

For we are His portion and He is our prize!
Brought to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking~

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Luke 17:6

So the Lord said, "If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,' and it would obey you. NKJV
Jesus tells us that if we have faith, regardless of how 'large' it may seem, if that faith is strong and sure we can pray for real, tangible, observable things, and things which may seem fantastic to us but are the simplest of matters to God.

Perhaps it is not quite so obviously observable as having a mulberry bush follow my orders and transplant itself into the sea, but I want to begin praying for God's help in kicking bad habits and mannerisms, notably nail bitting, which I've actually worked at a few times in the past and for which in the last several weeks I've redoubled my efforts in breaking.

(( A Disclaimer:
For today's verse I began by writing the above. However, I didn't feel entirely content with what I wrote, and following one of our classes I realized that there was something much more important that God wanted me to know. Below is my second IBS for Luke 17:6 ))
----------------------------------------

Jesus tells us that with faith comes authority. As God's children and fellow heirs in Christ we can do great things.

In the past, and even now, amazing, supernatural things occur through God's power every day. We American's seem to rarely see it or be aware of it for faith in the tangible and 'scientific', and a part of us doubts the stories of even our most trusted friends when they share experiences that we would normally reserve for a place in fantasy; myth; legend; and of course, the Bible.

As it stands, I do not know if I have grown to such a faith yet. In fact, I am sure I have not, but as the man who cried out, "Lord, I believe, help me with my unbelief!" I also cry out, "Lord, I have faith, help me with my lack of faith!"

But whether or not I have YET grown to such a deep faith, God has promised us authority. I have no reason to shy way. There is no reason for us as Christians to not be bold, assured, straight foreward and confident, bringing God His glory with our daily lives and actions.

Not everyone is an extreme 'type A' personality of course, I'm certainly not, but there is a differerence between reservation and a reserved confidence, or silence for the fear of speaking and the quiteness that comes from being softspoken.

I do not need to hold myself back.

He desires to give us authority, He has given us authority, and I do not wish to be a mouse within the world when the God of heaven stands behind me and lifts me up.

The fact is I don't fully understand who I am or what God would have of me. Many people are just naturally quiet, not everyone is the center of a crowd or the life of every conversation, and often that quiet person can be me.

And that is fine. God has made everyone different, and one of the best prayers that I can make in seeking after God is, "Why have You made me a 'Dylan'? What type of 'Dylan' do You want me to be?"

Whether I am being quite or being loud, whether I am standing in the spotlight or sitting in the corner, God has a plan and a will for my life if I would only seek after Him, and I should have confidence of that fact.

I want to go through life with greater confidence, to work at and pray for more straightforwardness in my speech and action and to not shy away when I cannot claim total self-assurance in a situation.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Ephesians 4:31

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. NKJV
Last night Chris told our room how a good way to deal with walking into a room and feeling bitterness towards someone, maybe because you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or they recently pushed some button you don't like having pushed, is to simply look at them and tell them, to yourself (i.e. inside your head), "I love you."

It must be sincere, otherwise you'd just be grumbling to yourself about how you might or might not like to love them and want to love them or say "love" but mean "should fall down the nearest well", but it is very difficult to be bitter towards someone while genuinely thinking about how you love them. Even if there isn't any particular reason you have to love their individual person, you can pray for love and seek it for them in and through the love of Christ, which He has for both yourself and them.

I need to start telling myself how much I love the people I don't particularly like, who I'd much rather avoid dealing with because of how much trouble it seems like and how difficult it is, at least on my side, in our interaction.

To, rather than think in my mind about the things wrong with them, pray for their troubles and problems with love.

Rather than complaining of their imperfections and little flaws, I should be crying out to God, "Mend my own! Take my bitterness and fill my heart with love!" (Mathew 7:3-5)
("And why do you look at the speck in your brothers eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.")

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Ephesians 4:30

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. NKJV
I've just been going through the motions lately.

I noticed somewhat over the past few days that I just didn't seem to be 'getting into' anything. I've been learning from classes but not feeling as engaged or eager; for awhile now I've been 'decorating' my notes by writing in different colored pens, going back over words to make them bolder and stand out, even throwing in little doodles that related to the material from time to time to help engrave it in my memory and so that any time I feel like going back over my notes to see what God had been showing me everything will be more personal, each note standing apart from the others as a precious nugget or gem of information or revelation all it's own that God wanted to teach me that day.
However, lately my notes have just been in pencil. I feel like I want to be able to find what I've written later among the many other pages of notes, but I can't think of how to give them individuality. Just a bunch of gray scribbles one after the other for a few pages without any separation that might allow me to glance at the page and exclaim, "Oh yes! I remember that!" without reading more than a few words.

This is just one example, but it somewhat shows the general feeling of disconnect I've been having for the past few days.

At first when looking at this verse I wasn't sure of what to write. "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God"; Ok, so. . . don't do bad things? Better apply what He has been showing me through IBS? Pray more? Come on God, Pastor G wants us to be more specific for IBS, we're supposed to say something we can do. Please reveal to me through Your Spirit. . .

And then I started thinking more about what had been crossing my mind for awhile now; we are less excited. One way of putting it, the honeymoon phase has passed. We are adapting. We, or I anyway, have begun to just make my way through the time here without engaging. I found my corner, a quite little hypothetical nook that let's me get through and pass the time without being shaken by anything or anyone, even if I want to be.

Like my notes, I've gotten stuck in a place where I can be bland and grey and uniform even when trying to force in little bits here and there of color, life and lasting memory.

Earlier, someone had been talking about how you never forget what it felt like in the times when you have been closest to God, and those times help us to identify when we are not so close to God. When we aren't nearly so filled with His spirit, or have fallen into a snare of temptation and away from His glory. Those bright times in our life are a reference to where we want to be and, when we've fallen away, can be used as a guide so that we know where to get back to.

Having fallen away, we climb (and are carried) back up to the highest point we know of safety and comfort closest to Him as we know to reach and that we can reach, and at times find an even higher point still.

It got me thinking about a while back when I felt so full of the Holy Spirit and when I had felt a completeness in the joy and love of Christ. I want to get back to that place. I need to pray and seek after Him with a renewed energy. To, now that I am aware of it, punch through this grey period as best I can from this end, trusting God to work on His end and give me strength for mine.

I want to seek after God with a renewed energy and prayer, and to reapply myself to the time spent here and with the people at Potter's Field.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. NKJV
Lately it's been brought to my attention that I have a bad habit of putting in my extra two cents when others are trying to work out a problem between themselves and I have no place in the conversation, giving additional advice when it is not wanted. I need to be mindful of what comes out of my mouth before joining discussions that may not involve me; more often than not I probably need to stay out entirely and allow others to work things out amongst themselves. When I do feel a need to get involved, I also NEED to seek guidance in prayer, and maybe do nothing more than pray with them for guidance.

Now to Him who is able to keep us from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Ephesians 4:28

Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. NKJV
I've reached a point where I need to be more active and driven in personally letting my supporters know how thankful I am for what they (or you) have done, and the great things that God is doing in my life.

When I first came to Potter's Field I had been unsure of how to address you, those supporting me in spirit, through supplications to God with prayer and those acting as willing vehicles through whom God is blessing me with the funds needed to be here and in a few weeks travel to El Salvador.

At first I was 'worried'. I trusted God to provide if it was His will that I come to Potter's Field for training and eventually leave on missions work, but I was not sure 'how much' I should do. After first arriving, I was fully prepared to devote an enormous amount of time and energy into contacting supporters, reaching out to new supporters, making sure everyone knew exactly what was happening, etc, etc, etc.

And then the pastors in charge announced we would be having a 'technological communications blackout' for our first two weeks in the program. At first I stressed about it, but then came the conclusion that I should simply be trusting God. I was letting my need for support become a distraction from my need to learn and soak up this special time with Him.

For this reason I became passive in contacting all of you. I chose to devote what free time we had to other things and my attempts to make contact were often knowingly dependent upon others for success.

However, the time for that is over. I know that with God's help I can send you news without losing the value of being here. I have been praying for God's provision since coming here, but God rarely acts for those who do not do, and it seems like the time has come I seek after the blessings He wishes to pour out on this ministry.

Beyond that though, I wish to exhort you all and provide encouragement by showing the things Christ does and how He uses myself and the whole of this ministry, which you have chosen to support.

To all of you, prayer warriors, fund providers, emotional supports and each of you who reads my blog, thank you.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Ephesians 4:27

nor give place to the devil.
Distractions distractions distractions. . .

Lately it has been on my mind to do some casual writing, or at least to check in with some people I know on the web and read some of the things they've been working on, however I wasn't sure if getting in touch with them would be a good witnessing opportunity, being able to tell them about Potter's Field and how much God has touched me through my time here with Ignite, or a monumental distraction.

Seeing as I'm already finding my mind wondering towards the use of imagination, character contemplation and story creation of late, and that before looking at the verse for the IBS I am at this very moment writing and after praying to God to use this verse to give me revelation or guide me as He sees fit in someway I thought about my cravings for fantasy and adventure and decided to toss up a little extra prayer about how nice it would be if He used the verse to give me some advice on the matter. . .

I need to stay off the fiction and stay focused. Like anger, the devil is more than happy to use potential distractions to snag a place in our hearts and lives to use against us, and I shouldn't even be risking something that might distract me from Christ or detract from what little time I have left here at the ranch (free from the distractions of day to day life and the world at large now that I think about it) anyway.

When my mind starts wandering with that overactive imagination and I could be doing or thinking about other, better things of greater importance and/or value, I must take my thoughts to God; just like any other sinful or unholy thought, for what is sinful and unholy but that which separates us from God?

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Ephesians 4:26

"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
When others try to claim an authority they do not have and tell me what to do or make demands it easily aggravates me, but rather than addressing it as I should I usually just do my best to shove it from my thoughts. However, I need to deal with it. I need to take my thoughts captive to God and, when the occasion calls for it and at the right time, take it to them calmly and with love so that there will be peace between us, even in the depths of my heart where I might otherwise bury the anger and taint my soul in trying to put it out of my mind.

Ephesians 4:25

Therefore, putting away lying, "Let each of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another. NKJV
The truth is not always at first pleasant; a 'kind' lie is not a 'good' lie nor any good at all; a lie told o avoid trouble is a trouble all it's own; and lying with a silent grin is lying just the same, spoken words or no.

When I pretend, act like or suggest that everything is fine when I am not, unbothered when I am, without opinion when I have, I may not be telling an outright lie, but twisting words to make them sound like something else, saying nothing when I know what will be assumed and speaking only a fraction of my mind so that my complete thought might be mistaken for something else is still lying.

Even if I do so not wanting to 'rock the boat' or stir up negative emotions, I am still not speaking truth with my neighbors and am at times dishonest.

I hate lying and dishonesty, and should make no exceptions for myself because I am afraid of others reaction or bearing my heart to them.

We are members of one another, of one body. When I am less than honest with my brothers and sisters, I am not only lying to them, I am lying to myself, and worse, Christ, of whom we are the body.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Ephesians 4:24

and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. NKJV
My old self is cast off and with a renewed mind I have been given a new man to put on, made like God in true righteousness and holiness; made set apart from the world in Christ and filled with life by his Spirit.

I have forgotten of late and regret it, but I want to once again pray for brokenness and continual renewal bringing me into a stronger and closer relationship with my Father and Christ.
(Preferably with minimum mental discomfort and bodily harm, but. . . His will be done and not my own.)

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.

Ephesians 4:23

and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, NKJV
I need to relax! Calm down! Take joy in Jesus and not worry the little things!

In working on being diligent I've lost sight of why I'm doing so, and what Pastor Craig said in chapel on Tuesday has brought me back. (Thinking about it in hindsight, there were a few things that happened throughout the day which I think God had been using to sort-of 'prep' me for the teaching.)

I was getting very stressed, trying to be diligent and do the work I needed to do, but feeling like the world was coming against me and trying to stop me from getting my work done. More than that, I felt extremely incapable personally of dealing with the workload despite knowing that it was at times difficult, but still very doable.

To steal a line from the pastors here at Potter's Field Ranch, "I don't have to. I GET to!"

---
What am I intending?
To do something great for God?
To be something great for God?
Or to have a great relationship with Jesus Christ?
---
Jesus does not NEED our effort.
But He WANTS it.

---
It's about being WITH Jesus.
Not working FOR Jesus.

---
These are a few of the notes I took on Tuesday, and I am wanting to kick myself for forgetting when I had learned something very similar to this after first coming to Potter's Field Ranch. However, I needed to learn this again and feel like I had been growing spiritually stagnant of late, just adapting to the changing environment here rather than interacting and engaging, so instead I'm just going to thank Him for continuing to break and mold me into the man He wants me to be, and growing as one of Christ's children that I might bear sweeter and sweeter fruit.

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.