Philippians 3:15, let us, as many as are mature, have this mind;

Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you.

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. [Philippians 3:7-15]

The first word that jumps out at me here is 'Mature'. Because you know, we all want to be the mature ones. Mature means right. Mature means strong. The mature are the role models and leaders who guide the way for those that have not yet caught up. But you know something else?

Mature means wrong. Mature means honest and humble and broken. Mature means succeeding the power that could be claimed or taken to the one that it belongs.

Mature means taking the lower seat when the higher is not for you.

Mature means backing down when others won't back up.

Mature means admitting faults, forgiving hurts and not making excuses for failures on our part or denouncing the failings of others.

It means taking the high road, the narrow path, to strive for doing what is right and not only the acknowledgment that one is right.

The mature will not show offense when forgotten or neglected or when shown a lack of respect.

Mature means giving correction for another's sake and not our own.

Maturity teaches and lifts up those not yet at the same level while not being satisfied with the level it has already attained.

Maturity is a measure of depth gained, not distance traveled. It is the measure of one's character and growth, not the days and years lived.

This week we, the interns and staff at Potter's Field, are cooking for each other by teams displaying meals eaten in our respective countries over the past six months. The team that went to Africa cooked on Monday, Costa Rica cooked Wednesday, and we from El Salvador will be cooking Friday. Today everyone will be participating in a little rice and beans cook-off for fun.

I haven't been very mature in preparing for it. I didn't begin taking it seriously as soon as I should have; I didn't put in as much time as I could have; I didn't include my teammate as much as I should have; I didn't begin preparing as soon as I could have; I didn't communicate well with those who purchase food for the ranch or those who planned this week of cooking to see what was expected of us when I didn't understand.

When push came to shove I didn't solve problems, it could very easily be said I just complained about having a problem. Rather than taking care of things others took care of it for me because I was being immature about my responsibility in preparing a meal, caring more for the other things I needed to get done, or simply wanted to do, than the things I needed to have ready by Tuesday.

The mature apologize and make do with what they have the best they can even if "what they have" comes from past failures and use their time wisely to the maximum of their capacity.

I will be apologizing to a few people for bothering them and making excuses for my behavior and failures in preparing for our meals. I will run full tilt and do the best I can with what I have for these two meals.

Maturity is an action and a choice, not a passive behavior. Maturity sought after will be maturity found.

Written April 19, 2012
- - -
Derek Powers in El Salvador

Philippians 3:13, reaching forward to those things which are ahead,

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,

Reading Philippians I had wonder whether this verse refers to "forgetting those things which are behind" as things which are good, or things which are bad.

I would say both.

Reaching for the things of God we leave behind all past victories and defeats, the triumphs and trials and happiness and pains. We remember them, take what lessons there are from them, but will be held back by grudges and pride clung to from those seasons of life not left behind when we go to press forward in our walk with God.

In a race there is no looking back.

You do not spend time remembering long hours of practice to run the race to your fullest; the hours of practice make us strong and instill the movements and rhythms of the run into every fiber of our being.

But unlike the runners of a race we are not strong alone. Rather, it is Christ in us who gives us strength and makes us strong.

There are struggles and memories in returning home. A fear of not only returning home, but of returning to "the way things used to be".

My application from this verse is not one I can do but rather one I can pray for Christ to do in me: I must lay down the things holding me to the past and run towards this future with Christ uninhibited by the fears of the flesh. In remembrance not dwelling on the things of the past fearfully, but remembering the triumphs of my God over those fears which once held me.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. - Hebrews 12:1-2

Written April 17, 2012

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You have rescued me
from the darkness
placed me in the son

All my fears and failures
are kissed by your light
burn it away
burn it away
my God
of glory and light!

My love and delight
perfect are you
merciful and true
perfect are you

perfect are you
who has washed me clean
purified me
freed me from the chains
of darkness

I have been burned
by the kiss of the light
of you

Jesus Christ
Son shining so bright
My light

perfect and holy and just are you
perfect and holy, merciful God of love, my love goes to you.

Philippians 3:12, Not that I have already attained,

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

Far from perfect.

That's certainly me, but my father loves me. He saved me, and then his perfect mercy crossed with his perfect love and he went above and beyond what was needed to save, adopting as a son and fellow heir him who was once an enemy.

And that's all I need.

My reason for wanting to go to the School of Worship in Costa Mesa is for a broadening of my understanding of worship.

I am human though, and I'm still in the flesh, and I won't deny that my love for music does take great joy in the thought of that type of intensive training to broaden my vocal skills and learn an instrument. This is the farthest thing from wrong, but it is a distraction from my pure desire for better worship.

Not to say that you need to sing well to worship God. We worship him much more, or much less, with our lives than we do once or twice a week at a church service singing a couple of songs.

Likewise, there are plenty of verses in the Bible speaking of worshiping God through songs and instruments, even dancing. [Psalm 95:1; Psalm 150; Acts 16:25; Colossians 3:16; Ephesians 5:19; . . . and etc. ]

The heavenly hosts sing to God [Revelation 5:9] and our human frames are designed for the emotional outpouring and connection of music and song. (Have you ever seen the touch of music turning hearts where words have failed or calling forth feelings thought dead from memories long forgotten?)

God is glorified and takes great pleasure from our praise.

But he doesn't only take glory from those public displays. We are his true worshipers who worship in spirit and in truth, and our father takes a great deal of joy when we just set some time apart to get alone with him where no one else will know for a time of song and prayer in worship.

What are many worship songs but prayers said with rhythm and with intentional praise? It's easy to forget at times that God doesn't take pleasure only if we sound nice, but because we love him and pour our hearts out to him in those times; for our passion and devotion.

However, to come back to the point I was making, while God won't be wooed or impressed by a good voice (Who do you think gave ya' that set of pipes or them lungs?), a crackling voice can be distracting. Forgetting words will trip us up and, even if God loves us beyond this, interrupt our thoughts and disturb the focus of our heart on God.

For someone who practices music at all, it can take our focus from God to the quality of our tone or accuracy in hitting notes. When you're following a CD your focus may go to the artists ability or style versus your own.

You can easily intend to spend time with God but five minutes in find yourself spending time attempting to sing well, even in church.

My application to draw from this verse calls to mind a previous verse in Philippians, 2:12: ". . . work out your own salvation".

Some attend large bible colleges or are blessed by a mentor who exemplifies Christ in his walk with the Lord and teaching. Others have the Bible, a notebook, and a pen. Some don't have any of this, as you hear of in China, but as all of the above they live by the Spirit and are guided and grow by the Spirit. We have the Spirit, and anything else would simply be the means by which we are taught. It is the Spirit that reveals.

Likewise, though I would love to attend the School of Worship and I still hope that God would lead that way, I don't need to attend an institution of man to worship my God or grow my musical abilities for that purpose.

I don't need to know everything about a guitar to pick one up for a time of private worship; many artists won't or can't play anything complected while focused on singing anyway. If I at least know the basics and a few chords that's enough to get alone with God, without a lifeless leader coming from the speakers of my laptop.

I'm going to begin setting aside time to learn the guitar and memorize worship songs, not for anything but me and God.

Written April 16, 2012

Studies to share:
Janessa; seeking God throughout the day.
Michelle; being touched by Christ and returning home.

Acts 21:1, running a straight course we came

Now it came to pass, that when we had departed from them and set sail, running a straight course we came to Cos, the following day to Rhodes, and from there to Patara.

Reading this, that Paul and his company were "running a straight course", reminds me of a previous lesson from our first three months at the ranch for training; that sometimes the most direct path in God's plan will seem a long and winding road to us.

How a person can feel God's call on their lives, but initially, when running towards that call, every door seems to close, and years later, after many trials and growth, this person can then find themselves almost dropped into the calling they felt so many years before. Sometimes they may even feel the need for a reconfirmation from God because they had long ago come to the conclusion that the call they once felt drawn too so strongly had simply come from their own desires.

Sometimes we think we're ready for God's intentions, but sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes God has more preparation in store for us. Sometimes there are skills he would have us learn; or maturity needed before entering into the call he gave us; an understanding that the call is not what we devote ourselves too, but rather that following the call is an answer to our devotion to God; or he may simply have some things he would have done first, perhaps another ministry we are to be a part of, or maybe even a single person in who's life God would have us speak with some time down the road we wouldn't have met had we gone straight into that call or work.

Often he would have us learn a greater dependency on Christ.

Also, sometimes people don't have a single call on their lives. In fact, no one does.

Our servant hood and ministries don't end having left the 9' to 5', stepping down from the pulpit or leaving the mission field.

THE call is to all the world; both across the sea and down the street, both at school and in our jobs, at church and in our own homes.

Paul himself had quite the winding road before finally coming to Rome; years of powerful and often painful ministry before finally reaching those he had been desiring to see for so long.

The NIV translates the word 'depart' as 'torn'. Pastor G explained that the Greek language was extremely descriptive; where many may know of the Greek words "Phileo", "Eros" and "Agape", each describing different forms of love, in Greek there are actually 9 other words, aside from these three, which we would translate simply as "Love"; each describing a different and very specific form of love.

Paul did not simply leave the elders, he tore himself away from them, and I highly doubt Luke wrote of a physical tearing away. The leaving was no easy thing.

In this age we are so blessed by technology that, if I want, if I am intentional in it, my leaving does not need to be a tearing away. In Paul's day, separation meant the only form of communication would be letters sent weeks, if not months before being received. Now, I can Skype for an hour anytime we're both online. I don't like that I lack strong communication skills and find it so difficult to maintain contact over long distances. I want to schedule some time to Skype with a few people from the ranch for after I have returned home to maintain that connection and prevent my own tendencies to cause a complete break in contact.

I will also write a reminder for myself for my last few days here at the ranch as a reminder to reread this study, both to help motivate myself in staying connected and to remember what I spoke of earlier, that God will often lead us down a winding path to reach places of divine calling.

Written April 13, 2012

Studies I'd like to share:
Pastor G's

Acts 20:38, they accompanied him to the ship.

sorrowing most of all for the words which he spoke, that they would see his face no more. And they accompanied him to the ship.

Not everyone in our group of interns will be returning to Crossroads.

Michelle, Janessa and Olivia come from different churches, Karlee will be returning to Vancouver but has yet to decide at which church she will be serving her two month internship, and Shaylene, while returning to Crossroads eventually, will be leaving for a month and a half, first to Texas for her brother's graduation from the military and from there to her sister's marriage in New Hampshire.

This is not to forget Jaymi or Jacob who live in California, both of whom left the field for medical reasons and did not make the travel to the ranch for this month of reentry having been home a few months already.

It is still two weeks off, and it is only two weeks off, but as people leave at the close of this month and this season of our lives comes to an end I would like to be sure of going when able to see them off; even if that means waking up at 4:00 in the morning to get them to the airport early enough to check in for a 6:00 am flight.

"Sorrow is the frankincense that honors the altar of friendship, and the elders didn't hold back to give that sweet aroma as they contemplated his leaving." - Colin

Written April 12th, 2012

Studies to share:
Michelle's

Acts 20:37, Then they all wept freely,

Then they all wept freely, and fell on Paul's neck and kissed him,

These men were so open with their emotions!

First, it must be said that kissing in their culture was not always what it is in ours; there was the romantic aspect of a kiss, but you can a parallel to their culture today in many Spanish speaking cultures, or what might more readily come to mind for others would be France, where one might exchange a kiss in greeting.

However, commonly in our culture would be the image that men are strong.

Men stand strong.

Men do not falter.

Men do not show weakness.

In other words. . . "Grown men don't cry."

And this is in part a piece of the nature God has given man. God did not make man of any greater importance than woman, and he didn't make woman of any greater importance than man.

However, he did make us differently, and in that difference it is generally much easier for a woman to pour forth her emotions than it is for a man. Here we see these elders of the church Paul and his group of Christ followers were used to plant by God falling and weeping for the misfortune awaiting Paul and that this will be their last time seeing him on earth.

They know they'll see him in heaven, but no matter how heaven minded a person is that doesn't change the fact that (a) if you care for a person you are not glad to hear of time they have or will spend in chains and (b) despite knowing there will be plenty of time to see them in the long run, our perspectives are not yet in that of the long run.

When you are 7 years old a year of school seems like FOREVER, and the idea of going all the way through to high school and on to college is a greater length of time than your brain can fathom.

When you have grown up and are now 27 years old you look back and think how funny it is a single year had once felt so long, and could very well be making and changing financial plans for the next three to ten years (and beyond.)

When you've grown old and have reached the age of 77 it doesn't really matter what you do with your day, you're just suddenly surprised to find another year has gone by and you're already 78 and wondering when God's finally gonna call you up to see all the people you've loved but have gone on before yourself. (Though should the Lord tarry and he has me live that long, it's my desire to not live dwelling on that with an empty life but even with a busted leg sitting in a rocking chair all day praising God and glorifying him in whatever way I can, through prayer or study or whatever ministry the Lord give me from that rocking chair, whether it be my grandchildren or that I continue studying and sharing through this very blog.)

To break off of this rabbit trail however, I look at the way these men cried for their dear friend and mentor. They did not hold anything back because there was no point in holding anything back.

They did not want to hold anything back.

The pastor's and staff here at Potter's Field have shared with us how difficult it was to send us off. They poured into us for three straight months as children running towards God; running with us and holding us up in our struggles and studies, helping us to not stumble. . . and we left.

We were gone, and they were alone. They have been very honest so that we can understand for our own futures in ministry and discipleship that when the next group of interns came there was the temptation to not give these new students their all, pouring into them everything they have, because it would lesson the pain when they left.

It would leave just that much smaller a hole from their leaving.

But they also knew that if they didn't pour in everything, if they didn't give this second batch of students their all, it might reduce the pain of leaving, but it would also reduce the joy of their company and presence. If they made it so that there would be no pain in separation, they would be removing all the joy of their company.

I don't want to separate myself from everyone, intentionally or accidentally, and I want our relationship to be one in which everything, both our joys and our fears, can be shared. It is my natural reaction to not share my troubles because I see others complain and don't want to be like that, and because the Lord promises to be our comfort and our peace and I want to depend on him in that. However, we have been made brothers and sisters, one body in Christ, and the Lord does at time give us the comfort he promises through them.

There is a growth and strengthening of relationships that occurs when sharing our weaknesses and struggles and together seeking the support and guidance, comfort and joy and peace of God in prayer.

I have concerns about this season of my life coming to a close and a new season of life beginning, this time in our own backyard. Probably more, in fact, it is most definite that more concerns are plaguing me about returning home then there were about going leaving it, and I am seeking the Lord for them and laying them at his cross. However, I need to recognize that it is not a weakness of faith to seek council from my mature brothers and sisters or support from those who will be continuing on from this work and returning home with me, who can be a pillar of support and source of accountability in those hard times that, save the Lord's working of quite a few miracles in my life and the lives of others, are sure to follow this time I have spent away.

One of the more tangible concerns would be finances and my need to finish paying off those debts I owe from this mission trip, and the worry of what type of a hold paying off that debt will have over my life until it has been finished, how it might limit my involvement in the church or the time I have to devote towards personal projects the Lord might be leading towards.

Written April 11, 2012

---
Break my heart for what breaks yours
I raise my hands with open palms to you
Raising up, my life and plans
That you can take it and do what you will
Without my hands holding on
Releasing it all to you.

Acts 20:36, he knelt down and prayed with them all.

And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all.

I wonder what type of a prayer that must have been. Not that because Paul was involved this prayer was somehow better than most "ordinary" prayers, but there are those times where you are gathered with people important to you, or who you've never met before, or all alone, or etc, etc, etc, and God's Spirit just fills those involved and a very special time of prayer begins.

Sometimes a prayer begins as one to remember, and sometimes with a hesitant start those praying seek after the Spirit for their time of prayer and the Spirit comes and fills their willing hearts with words of rejoicing and revelation of those things that should be prayed for.

Since first taking part in the IGNITE365 program more than 9 months ago I have developed a true love for prayer and discovered the joys of truly and passionately taking the time to commune with God throughout the day. Whereas before I, while knowing the importance of prayer, could not personally say that I understood those who talked or wrote about passionate time spent on fallen knees.

God has grown me so much in my prayer life over the past several months, but I don't want to ever say, "I've grown enough." If I did, that would simply be a sign of how much more growing I truly need.

I love prayer. However, I want to be someone who will take the initiative to pray and bring everything to the Lord, not only alone, but also with others.

Coming to the ranch for this month of reentry our group put together a list of commitments that we were making for our time here. One of them included time each week for group prayer and at least two times a week spent praying with a prayer partner. I will be switching my bracelet back and forth between wrists as a reminder everyday to go to my partner for time spent in prayer and supplication, but also with thanksgiving spending time just worshiping and appreciating the God who made us and saved us and adopted us as sons that we might come to him in prayer and faith knowing that he will listen.

More than this, I want to use this discipline to create the habit in me of taking everything before God with my brothers and sisters with Christ in corporate prayer. Whether this means instigating prayer among a large group, just between myself and two or three friends, or even with someone who before I had never met but can hope to one day know more fully with Christ Jesus our Lord after his coming or in heaven should he tarry.

Lord fill my life with prayer.
Give me the strength to always be seeking after you.
Change my focus to the things above and on your power in every trial and circumstance.
My Lord and Jesus,
Brother, Priest and King,
My life,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit:
Thank you.

Let your love shine in me.

From Olivia's study: "I suppose prayer really is just talking to yourself when there's no faith behind it."

Today I would like to share Michelle's study in full.

Written April 10, 2012

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Break my heart for prayer
Break my heart for yours
For the children that are crying
For the people all alone

For a world lost to darkness and calling out for light
Needing you and never knowing what it means to cry

Reaching out for anything they think might satisfy an aimless soul

For love and riches with deceit
The efforts of dark and empty souls

Break my heart in a new way
Break my heart as you never have before
Break my heart for those things that God have broken yours

Reveal your son
Reveal you light
Pour out your love on the world through my willing contrite life

God open up your floodgates
And let your mercies pour forth
Reveal yourself to a lost and fallen people
Show us love

Open my heart God
As Christ opened his and bled for yours