Acts 20:38, they accompanied him to the ship.

sorrowing most of all for the words which he spoke, that they would see his face no more. And they accompanied him to the ship.

Not everyone in our group of interns will be returning to Crossroads.

Michelle, Janessa and Olivia come from different churches, Karlee will be returning to Vancouver but has yet to decide at which church she will be serving her two month internship, and Shaylene, while returning to Crossroads eventually, will be leaving for a month and a half, first to Texas for her brother's graduation from the military and from there to her sister's marriage in New Hampshire.

This is not to forget Jaymi or Jacob who live in California, both of whom left the field for medical reasons and did not make the travel to the ranch for this month of reentry having been home a few months already.

It is still two weeks off, and it is only two weeks off, but as people leave at the close of this month and this season of our lives comes to an end I would like to be sure of going when able to see them off; even if that means waking up at 4:00 in the morning to get them to the airport early enough to check in for a 6:00 am flight.

"Sorrow is the frankincense that honors the altar of friendship, and the elders didn't hold back to give that sweet aroma as they contemplated his leaving." - Colin

Written April 12th, 2012

Studies to share:
Michelle's

Acts 20:37, Then they all wept freely,

Then they all wept freely, and fell on Paul's neck and kissed him,

These men were so open with their emotions!

First, it must be said that kissing in their culture was not always what it is in ours; there was the romantic aspect of a kiss, but you can a parallel to their culture today in many Spanish speaking cultures, or what might more readily come to mind for others would be France, where one might exchange a kiss in greeting.

However, commonly in our culture would be the image that men are strong.

Men stand strong.

Men do not falter.

Men do not show weakness.

In other words. . . "Grown men don't cry."

And this is in part a piece of the nature God has given man. God did not make man of any greater importance than woman, and he didn't make woman of any greater importance than man.

However, he did make us differently, and in that difference it is generally much easier for a woman to pour forth her emotions than it is for a man. Here we see these elders of the church Paul and his group of Christ followers were used to plant by God falling and weeping for the misfortune awaiting Paul and that this will be their last time seeing him on earth.

They know they'll see him in heaven, but no matter how heaven minded a person is that doesn't change the fact that (a) if you care for a person you are not glad to hear of time they have or will spend in chains and (b) despite knowing there will be plenty of time to see them in the long run, our perspectives are not yet in that of the long run.

When you are 7 years old a year of school seems like FOREVER, and the idea of going all the way through to high school and on to college is a greater length of time than your brain can fathom.

When you have grown up and are now 27 years old you look back and think how funny it is a single year had once felt so long, and could very well be making and changing financial plans for the next three to ten years (and beyond.)

When you've grown old and have reached the age of 77 it doesn't really matter what you do with your day, you're just suddenly surprised to find another year has gone by and you're already 78 and wondering when God's finally gonna call you up to see all the people you've loved but have gone on before yourself. (Though should the Lord tarry and he has me live that long, it's my desire to not live dwelling on that with an empty life but even with a busted leg sitting in a rocking chair all day praising God and glorifying him in whatever way I can, through prayer or study or whatever ministry the Lord give me from that rocking chair, whether it be my grandchildren or that I continue studying and sharing through this very blog.)

To break off of this rabbit trail however, I look at the way these men cried for their dear friend and mentor. They did not hold anything back because there was no point in holding anything back.

They did not want to hold anything back.

The pastor's and staff here at Potter's Field have shared with us how difficult it was to send us off. They poured into us for three straight months as children running towards God; running with us and holding us up in our struggles and studies, helping us to not stumble. . . and we left.

We were gone, and they were alone. They have been very honest so that we can understand for our own futures in ministry and discipleship that when the next group of interns came there was the temptation to not give these new students their all, pouring into them everything they have, because it would lesson the pain when they left.

It would leave just that much smaller a hole from their leaving.

But they also knew that if they didn't pour in everything, if they didn't give this second batch of students their all, it might reduce the pain of leaving, but it would also reduce the joy of their company and presence. If they made it so that there would be no pain in separation, they would be removing all the joy of their company.

I don't want to separate myself from everyone, intentionally or accidentally, and I want our relationship to be one in which everything, both our joys and our fears, can be shared. It is my natural reaction to not share my troubles because I see others complain and don't want to be like that, and because the Lord promises to be our comfort and our peace and I want to depend on him in that. However, we have been made brothers and sisters, one body in Christ, and the Lord does at time give us the comfort he promises through them.

There is a growth and strengthening of relationships that occurs when sharing our weaknesses and struggles and together seeking the support and guidance, comfort and joy and peace of God in prayer.

I have concerns about this season of my life coming to a close and a new season of life beginning, this time in our own backyard. Probably more, in fact, it is most definite that more concerns are plaguing me about returning home then there were about going leaving it, and I am seeking the Lord for them and laying them at his cross. However, I need to recognize that it is not a weakness of faith to seek council from my mature brothers and sisters or support from those who will be continuing on from this work and returning home with me, who can be a pillar of support and source of accountability in those hard times that, save the Lord's working of quite a few miracles in my life and the lives of others, are sure to follow this time I have spent away.

One of the more tangible concerns would be finances and my need to finish paying off those debts I owe from this mission trip, and the worry of what type of a hold paying off that debt will have over my life until it has been finished, how it might limit my involvement in the church or the time I have to devote towards personal projects the Lord might be leading towards.

Written April 11, 2012

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Break my heart for what breaks yours
I raise my hands with open palms to you
Raising up, my life and plans
That you can take it and do what you will
Without my hands holding on
Releasing it all to you.

Acts 20:36, he knelt down and prayed with them all.

And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all.

I wonder what type of a prayer that must have been. Not that because Paul was involved this prayer was somehow better than most "ordinary" prayers, but there are those times where you are gathered with people important to you, or who you've never met before, or all alone, or etc, etc, etc, and God's Spirit just fills those involved and a very special time of prayer begins.

Sometimes a prayer begins as one to remember, and sometimes with a hesitant start those praying seek after the Spirit for their time of prayer and the Spirit comes and fills their willing hearts with words of rejoicing and revelation of those things that should be prayed for.

Since first taking part in the IGNITE365 program more than 9 months ago I have developed a true love for prayer and discovered the joys of truly and passionately taking the time to commune with God throughout the day. Whereas before I, while knowing the importance of prayer, could not personally say that I understood those who talked or wrote about passionate time spent on fallen knees.

God has grown me so much in my prayer life over the past several months, but I don't want to ever say, "I've grown enough." If I did, that would simply be a sign of how much more growing I truly need.

I love prayer. However, I want to be someone who will take the initiative to pray and bring everything to the Lord, not only alone, but also with others.

Coming to the ranch for this month of reentry our group put together a list of commitments that we were making for our time here. One of them included time each week for group prayer and at least two times a week spent praying with a prayer partner. I will be switching my bracelet back and forth between wrists as a reminder everyday to go to my partner for time spent in prayer and supplication, but also with thanksgiving spending time just worshiping and appreciating the God who made us and saved us and adopted us as sons that we might come to him in prayer and faith knowing that he will listen.

More than this, I want to use this discipline to create the habit in me of taking everything before God with my brothers and sisters with Christ in corporate prayer. Whether this means instigating prayer among a large group, just between myself and two or three friends, or even with someone who before I had never met but can hope to one day know more fully with Christ Jesus our Lord after his coming or in heaven should he tarry.

Lord fill my life with prayer.
Give me the strength to always be seeking after you.
Change my focus to the things above and on your power in every trial and circumstance.
My Lord and Jesus,
Brother, Priest and King,
My life,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit:
Thank you.

Let your love shine in me.

From Olivia's study: "I suppose prayer really is just talking to yourself when there's no faith behind it."

Today I would like to share Michelle's study in full.

Written April 10, 2012

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Break my heart for prayer
Break my heart for yours
For the children that are crying
For the people all alone

For a world lost to darkness and calling out for light
Needing you and never knowing what it means to cry

Reaching out for anything they think might satisfy an aimless soul

For love and riches with deceit
The efforts of dark and empty souls

Break my heart in a new way
Break my heart as you never have before
Break my heart for those things that God have broken yours

Reveal your son
Reveal you light
Pour out your love on the world through my willing contrite life

God open up your floodgates
And let your mercies pour forth
Reveal yourself to a lost and fallen people
Show us love

Open my heart God
As Christ opened his and bled for yours

Matthew 5:7, Blessed are the merciful:

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

I think I've mentioned it before and I'll mention it again, lately I've been troubled with a negative heart. A condemning heart. A hard heart that sees the faults of others and doesn't let them go.

And when I say, "I've been troubled with a negative heart", I mean, "I've been troubled by MY negative heart".

The devil isn't telling me to think badly of others and I'm not struggling to resist his mind control. I'm just human, and I'm just this particular human: me.

A self absorbed, condemning, impatient, peace-less, anger mismanaging, oblivious, manipulative and lying jerk who owns a telescope perfect for finding faults and failures; who fails to find or care about his own Dwarf-star class faults whenever there's a new mini-meteor momentarily passing-on-by.

It can be hard to remember to stop and check for planks when someone splatters ketchup on my new, white shirt, and I've gotten it into my head it's blood gushing from their face. I just NEED to help them get that sliver out of their bleeding eye, now don't I? It's making such a mess of their OWN shirt/life, isn't it!? They should WANT my help, shouldn't they?!? They'll be BETTER for it, AND for God, I know it!

After all, I'm right . . . Or didn't you know that?

God has shown me mercy and he shows that same mercy to others, and they certainly don't have a greater need for it than I do (every single day).

I need to pray for God's wonderful mercies to flow over my life; and from there, that they would overflow into the lives of those close, and not so close, who 'dare' to cross my line of sight being just as messy, unkempt, uncontrolled, uncoordinated, clumsy and willful as I am on the best of days.

There is a time when God would have us speak to our brothers and sisters about their actions or behavior and how they may not be glorifying Him with that part of their lives; but when someone makes a mistake or slips up once and they don't seem ready to make a habit of it, if you aren't in leadership over them and feel the need to address it, there is a good chance that the little 'Word of Wisdom' from God I'd like to speak into someone's life may not have actually come from anywhere but my own steaming big head.

I need to always pray, and take the time to decide, and probably pray some more before deciding whether or not an issue is important enough, if God would use me in such a way, to bring it to their attention as a matter for them to take to God in prayer and consideration. I need to ask the question: Am I concerned for my brother, or bothered BY them?

I do not convict, God convicts. The most I could possibly do is act as the means by which He convicts, and that certainly isn't anything to be puffed up about. On the rare occasion what I see is not the result of my own blindness, the work my God would call me to may be one of nothing more than prayer; to the world an inglorious ministry, but one that contains a glory many, sadly, never come to know, and in all the ministries He gives I desire to be faithful in action and heart.

Written February 20, 2012

- - -
"The only reason we are unmerciful is the misconception that we deserve more from other people." - Colin Sandberg

Acts 20:32, So now, brethren, I commend you to God

"So now, brethren, I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified.

Paul's time with the church within Ephesus had reached it's end; but he did not simply abandon the church. The reality is that he simply gave the church fully back over to the one who held it from the beginning.

Paul was only a middle man, used by the Holy Spirit to teach those called by the Father and sanctified by Christ to walk in the Spirit and in truth, to grow in their knowledge of God until such a time as they were ready and willing to listen to the Spirit guiding them without needing Paul as a medium for God's revelation in their lives.

That is not to say that teachers or the church are not important in our walk with God as some are prone to arguing in today's world.

When Paul is speaking here he is not addressing all the believers in Ephesus so that they can receive his words for themselves individually, but rather he is in an entirely different town speaking only to "the elders of the church" [Acts 20:17]; prophets and teachers and Spirit led Christians who sought after God and who the Lord raised up as leaders and counselors among them.

As we close up this first week at the ranch it becomes apparent how short our time here with everyone will be. I can't help but entertain thoughts of how great it would be if I were able to stay just one more month or return later, either as a volunteer staff member or for another run through the program; perhaps as some sort of senior intern on a team going to El Salvador or on a team going to a different location to see the many faces of God's work in other churches and countries.

However, while I don't know where the Lord will lead me and while the above possibilities are far from impossible (especially in God's economy), to take full advantage of just this month, regardless of what future plans the Lord may bring, I need to accept that at the end of our time here the staff and Pastors of Potter's Field Ranch will be 'commending us to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build us up and give us an inheritance among all those who are sanctified', and send us home, and that it will only be Lord willing I see them again or have the opportunity to spend time learning from them here on Earth.

To use an analogy that Pastor Mike seems to love: In my time here I can't just take the "low hanging fruit" expecting or hoping for more time in which I may climb their branches and go for the best fruits hidden at the top. I need to set my intentions in this time to collect all that I can of the best that I can, but also remember that the ranch isn't the only place God will be speaking to me and growing me, also convicting me. That my relationship with him is not dependent on any person place or thing, only my own decision to either listen to or ignore the things he has to say; my choice to burn with his Spirit or quench it.

God, please fill me with your Spirit as you've filled me with your life.
Empower me to walk with you, to hear your call in humility and accept your grace.
You've dressed the flowers of the field in colors finer than worn by any king.
Please dress me as the flowers Lord, but in love and for your ways.

I hope you would be blessed by Pastor G's study of Act's 20:32.

Written April 8, 2012

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χάρις     [charis]

1) grace
     a) that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness: grace of
         speech
2) good will, loving-kindness, favour
     a) of the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns
         them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge,
         affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues
3) what is due to grace
     a) the spiritual condition of one governed by the power of divine grace
     b) the token or proof of grace, benefit
          1) a gift of grace
          2) benefit, bounty
4) thanks, (for benefits, services, favours), recompense, reward

Matthew 5:6, Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.

So. I've been following the application from my IBS on the 6th, Mathew 5:3. No sweets.

Yeah.

It's actually been going pretty well. Although when I had felt like this was something I should do in the past and making the decision was difficult, once I got through the initial hurtle of making it a definite plan of action and telling those who can help keep me accountable it's actually been pretty good.

Not necessarily fun, but I know God hasn't led me to commit proverbial suicide by laying off the 'pastels y dulces' (desserts and sweets/candies).

It's been a week now, and I'll be honest by saying that I have 'cheated' twice; however, I did use moderation and it wasn't some loss of control, "I NEED SUGAR!!1" situation, they were special (and good enough I could have very easily taken much, much more. . .)

Having said that, next time I won't be making an exception quite so easily.

It's also beginning to become more apparent how this little 'lifestyle change' is going to play out, whereas initially the "rules" were rather undefined.

It's a learning experience, and I know God has His purpose for placing this on my heart.

There's the obvious physical benefits to my health, short-term and long-term, but I think it may also turn out to be a good exercise for character. I know God will also use this in some way in his purpose for my Spiritual growth; actually, in at least one way He has already begun.

Anyway, for all that I hunger and thirst for delicious things, I am willing to do this because I hunger and thirst for my God and His will for me all the more.

Likewise, Christ encouraged (exhorted?) us with these Beatitudes, and He says that those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, those who desire it, those who want it, will be filled.

Their longing will be satisfied.

Those who want righteousness will receive righteousness.

Now righteousness is not legalism, and making the choice to be righteous is not legalistic. (See 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 10:23 for just a start on that.) (Not that giving up candy somehow makes me righteous or anything like that, I'm just making a point about legalism/righteous behavior, whereas the candy thing would be what I feel to be a following of His Spirit's lead.)

I think I might need to refocus on this 'little' virtue. Not, 'apply my focus' to righteousness, but in being focused on God, look again more closely to that pure, genuine righteousness He calls His beautiful bride to.

Written February 13, 2012

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Seeking after you my God
Your will for my life
In every way

Loving you
Obeying in love
For You made us free

Paying a great price

You have been glorified

Allow me to glorify You

John 13:5, with the towel with which He was girded.

After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.

I love how Christ washed them with the very towel he wore.

There are probably many cultural aspects that I do not understand which would open this up in all sorts of other ways, in fact I'm sure of it, but the idea is still Biblical all the same of humbly serving others to the point of using one's own clothes, the little we have, to perform even the lowliest of tasks for them.

Amazingly though, Jesus did not do this solely as an act of service. It was a teaching moment. Christ did this not because washing their feet this one time would have a grand impact on the rest of their feet washing days, but he lowered himself to teach them something crucial to their faith and, not only their future as servants and children and heirs of their God, but for the faith and growth and life of all believers from then to the time of our Lord's mighty return and beyond.

Although it's not nearly so humbling as taking on the garb of a servant and washing the feet of those who look up to and follow me, looking to me as a role model and example, (more than all of these as the Christ and Son of God!) but when we return to our church I would really like to begin a prayer group with the high school and middle school ministries before Wednesday night service for those who would like to or would be able to show up early using a format that, rather than taking all prayer requests at once, opens with a prayer for the meeting and then continues with each request taken and prayed for one at time. In this format your thoughts are less prone to wandering, and overall I could imagine it feeling much less 'formal' to a group of young people who may not yet have a strong prayer life or understand the joy of simply spending time communing with God, or even more likely, how to do so properly. Jesus gave us examples, and many of the Psalms parallel prayer.

When you ask something of your friend or parent you don't simply make demands, and depending on the culture and home life you've come from there may be different ways to make a request properly. For instance, do you make requests in submission or domination? With a thankful attitude or one that expects the meeting of one's demands to be only what is right and proper.

So to with God, there is a wrong and a right way to ask him for things, and there are right and wrong things to ask him for. He wants us to come to him with all our pains and concerns, but he also wants us to come with a right attitude, and just because you don't like to study doesn't mean he's going to give you an A+ on that test coming up.

Please also read this study, very special to me, from Michelle.

Written April 6, 2012

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I want to pray to you my God
I want to pray to you always

I want to cry with my heart and soul
Lift up my hands and beg you bring me home

Call out to you

Jesus thank you

I will pray to you and you alone
I will cry to you for my everything
I will lift up my hands and worship you

Devotion and praise

Call our to you

Jesus

Thank you